I Like Darkness
by jasmine roselee
Summary: One Shot . When Professor McGonagall uncharacteristically agrees to a Christmas Party, Remus realizes his true feelings for Lily Evans. Christmas is an enchanting time and at midnight he learns that in the darkness, magic can happen. RemusLily


**Disclaimer: **I don't own Harry Potter, but I so wish I did.**  
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**A/N: **Just a quick note to say that this story is slightly AU, in that Lily and James aren't going out and never have. The group of Marauders is still the same, but Lily is also good friends with them. I hope you enjoy, and please review! _Constructive_ criticism is accepted. :)**  
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**I Like Darkness**

Remus sat on the edge of his bed listening to the noise of boisterous Gryffindors through the mass of thick stone separating his dormitory from the common room below. He felt somewhat alienated from his peers sitting alone in the dark room.

_That's because it's your own bloody fault! You chose to sit her instead of celebrating with the others, _he reprimanded himself, _and why did I come up here in the first place?_

_Ah yes, of course. How could I forget? It was Lily._

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

_Someone in the crowd of Gryffindors had magically amplified a disc of the band 'On Your Broomstick'. Like any teenagers in the UK, the red and gold house loved their wild music and could not resist a good dance (jumping up and down, and yelling the lyrics) when the band's songs came on._

_Sirius had pulled the Marauders and Lily to their feet and soon most of the Gryffindors were screaming and jumping like there was no tomorrow._

_Remus and the group were quickly surrounded by other hot, yelling teenagers, in the middle of the dancing throng. Enjoying himself immensely, Remus laughed, danced, and sang with the rest of them. Suddenly, he found himself squashed and jostled next to an equally squashed and jostled Lily Evans. _

_Their bodies were plastered together, both sweaty from dancing. She turned her head and grinned at him._

"_Hey!" she yelled over the loud music. _

_Remus smiled weakly. His whole body felt suddenly as if it was on fire and he could feel acutely where Lily's body was touching his. His brain slowly registered that their faces were inches apart. He could smell her – and she smelt good._

_During his moment of revelation, Remus had stoped dancing. He seemed not to register the surging crowd around him and was quite unaware of the startled expression plastered across his face. _

_Slowly, his brain began to pick up and process the sensory information around him. He noticed Lily frowning. _

She looks quite cute when she frowns_, Remus thought vaguely. _

_The cute frowning girl in question suddenly grabbed him by the arm and hauled him out of the group of hot Gryffindors, pushing and shoving until they broke free. She turned to him._

"_Are you ok?" she asked, concern evident in her eyes._

_Remus just stared back dumbly._

"_Um," was all he managed to come up with._

_Lily frowned again. _

"_Remus! What the hell is wrong with you!? We were dancing and you suddenly froze for some unknown reason, and now you're unresponsive, and…" she trailed off still frowning._

_Remus' brain suddenly kicked back into gear. He shook his head._

"_Sorry Lil, I just - it got really hot and – um - well I just needed some air…" he finished lamely._

_Lily put her hand on his arm. An electric shock shot through Remus._

"_Are you sure?" she asked, still a bit worried._

"_Uh. Yes, I'm fine, don't worry about me." Remus smiled sheepishly and then turned and practically ran up the stairs to the peaceful darkness of the boys' sixth year dormitory. _

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

So that was it. He'd come up here to think. About Lily.

_I can't believe I've never noticed her that way before,_ Remus mused.

She was smart, funny and very good looking. He knew more than one boy in the school fancied her, maybe even some girls.

Remus recalled her once saying she was "waiting for the right person," when someone had asked her why she hadn't gone out with any of her admirers. Her statement had brought either admiration or annoyance to those who listened.

Now, her declaration made Remus hopeful. _Could it be me? Would I be the right person for her? _Before he could get his hopes up however, his logical and reasoning side kicked in.

_No! No, she'd never want me. I'm a bloody _werewolf_ for God's sake,_ he sneered at himself.

His brooding thoughts however were interrupted by the sound of someone climbing the stairs. A soft knock was issued on the door.

"Remus?" the person called, opening the door slowly.

Warm light flooded the room and Remus saw a figure silhouetted in the golden glow. It took a moment for him to realize it was Lily. His breath caught and some unidentifiable warmth travelled through his body.

"Hey Re, how are you?" she asked as she shut the door and came over to sit down next to him on the bed.

_I've just realized I have strong feelings for someone who would never want me. I'm dandy, thanks, _he thought sarcastically. Instead he replied, "I'm ok."

Remus was uncomfortably aware of how close their bodies were. He could move just a tad and touch her if he wanted. He struggled not to follow the urge of doing just that.

"What are you doing sitting in the dark?" she asked him.

"Thinking," he replied.

A moment of silence elapsed between them.

"It's peaceful you know?" Remus said suddenly. "Just sitting and thinking in the dark. You don't have to see as many things that can remind you of the bad stuff… I just like it, the darkness," he finished in a rush.

Lily looked at him and hesitantly put her hand on his knee.

"Look, I know you're upset because the moon's just a few days away, but you need to live in the present and celebrate what's happening now, Remus. Not think about what will happen in the future," she said softly.

Remus slowly realized Lily thought (wrongly) that he was upset due to the ever looming date of the full moon. He didn't correct her however, as he was concentrating on not letting his brain turn to gloopy mush as a result of the hand on his knee.

Lily took his silence as proof of what she thought. She sighed and stood up to face him. Leaning down she took his face in her hands. Remus' heart missed several beats.

"It's Christmas Re, you have to have fun on Christmas. Come down? Please?" she said to him.

"I'll think about it," Remus managed to mumble.

Lily sighed again, her peppermint breath washing over him and his heart took off double time.

_Curse me and my uncontrollable hormones, _Remus thought.

Lily straightened and walked to the door.

"Don't wait too long to make a decision, Re," she said. "It's not everyday McGonagall lets us have a party." She smiled over her shoulder and left.

It took Remus about five seconds to get himself in order and to make up his mind.

_What the hell am I doing!? _He half shouted at himself._ It's my second last Christmas at Hogwarts and I shouldn't be spending it sulking in my dormitory! Lily won't ever like me the way I do her, so I just have to deal with it._

Remus jumped up and ran for the door.

"Lily, wait!" he called.

She was halfway down the stairs and turned to smile up at him.

"Hiya," she said. "I'm glad you changed your mind."

Remus smiled back. "Like you said, it's not everyday McGonagall lets us have a party. I can't believe she agreed to it in the first place," he said, joining her on her step and continuing down. He silently marvelled at the change that had happened within him, from his realization a moment before.

Sirius, who happened to be standing near the stairs, heard the pair as they came out into the common room. He laughed, looping his arm around Remus'.

"Well, you see my dear Moony; I believe Professor McGonagall's agreement entailed a certain potion, a cup and the dear herself."

"No way!" Remus laughed. "McGonagall wouldn't be stupid enough to accept any drink you offered her and she would never be distracted enough to let you slip something into her drink," he laughed amused.

"Oh, but she was sufficiently distracted when she received that 'love letter' at breakfast the other day," James put in as he joined the threesome heading for the armchairs around the fire.

Sirius who had been throwing mock hurt glances at Remus broke out in a grin.

"Yes! Thanks to moi," he said pointing to himself, "that amazing idea, also thanks to moi" – another point – "was put into action." He bowed grandly.

"Oh shut up Padfoot!" James laughed whacking him with a pillow. "You know perfectly well the whole party idea was mine and we could never have gotten McGonagall to agree to the whole thing without my quick fingers," he said waving them about.

"Wait, what exactly did you put in her drink?" Remus asked, interrupting Sirius' attempt to retort to James' comment. He was trying desperately to keep from staring at Lily who had chosen the seat closest to him, and looked quite radiant in the warm glow of the firelight. Remus had found James and Sirius' story somewhat helpful in his quest to be distracted.

The boys looked at each other slyly, but before one of them could smugly explain themselves, Peter popped out of nowhere (behind a 5th year on the somewhat larger side) and said casually, "They made an 'agreeable' potion."

James, startled by the sudden appearance of his friend, jumped a foot in the air and nearly fell of his chair. Peter laughed and sat down on the other side of Lily.

"Peter! You totally stole our moment!" Sirius exclaimed indignantly.

"What?" Peter replied in turn. "I only said that you made an 'agreeable' potion. There's no need to get so worked up. Maybe you need one yourself Padfoot, to calm yourself a tad?" Peter winked at Remus who grinned, as Sirius spluttered. He finally managed to retort, "Snogging Maddy certainly put you in a good mood."

Peter blushed furiously while Lily tried to stifle her laughter behind her hand.

"Lay off, guys," Lily said after managing to control herself. "Now tell me, what's an 'agreeable' potion? Remus, you'd know." she turned to him.

Remus blinked.

"Um. It's a potion designed to make the drinker happy and in an agreeable mood. Because of that, it tends to make the person agree to just about anything," he said.

"Hence the name," added Sirius.

"Yeah, and when you make it, you can make it last as long as you want. We didn't have much time while we were making ours so it only lasted about fifteen minutes, but well, that was enough," James put in, gesturing around the room.

Lily nodded. "Sounds like something you'd pull," she grinned, "but didn't McGonagall change her mind as soon as it wore off?"

Remus tore his eyes away from Lily, with some difficulty, to focus on Peter.

"The potion doesn't work that way. Even after it's worn off, whatever the person's agreed to can't be changed."

"Poor McGonagall! She's going to regret this later, knowing the stunts you two pull," Remus laughed looking pointedly at James and Sirius.

"Hey!" Sirius said. "We've been quite tame tonight, thank you very much."

"Oh yes, quite tame," said Peter sarcastically. "You've only managed to charm certain chairs to fold when someone sits on them" - there was a loud shriek as an unsuspecting Gryffindor sat on a waiting chair and subsequently fell to the floor - "and you've also just managed to make the ground turn to jelly when someone says the word spelt P-A-R-T-Y. Very tame indeed."

"Damn it! I thought you were going to say it!" Sirius chuckled.

"I'm not that dumb."

A comfortable, companionable silence followed until Lily suddenly stood up.

"I'm thirsty. Come Remus, let's go get drinks," she said, taking his hand and pulling him up. Remus could do nothing but follow her.

"Those guys are unbelievable," she chuckled as they headed towards the drinks table. She still held his hand when they reached it and only dropped it when she leant over to grab two butterbeers.

Remus, who had followed her in a daze stood behind her as she picked up the drinks. Turning around, Lily handed them to him with a "here".

They found themselves inches apart, standing face-to-face, their breath mingling. Lily was pressed against the table, Remus standing still, in front of her. He finally realized he aught to move. _MOVE!!_His brain shouted at his legs. They, however, refused to listen. Instead, Remus found himself looking into Lily's eyes, _gosh they're pretty_, and noted interestingly that a rose coloured blush was slowly creeping up Lily's cheeks. She finally cleared her throat softly and turned around for more bottles. The blush had spread to the back of her neck. Remus had the sudden urge to lean in and kiss it, but before he had time to decide whether this was a rational thought and therefore whether it should be ignored or not, she turned around again.

"We – we should get back to the others," she mumbled.

Remus' feet finally started obeying orders as Lily slid passed him, brushing his side lightly.

Clutching the butterbeers they silently walked back to the remaining Marauders.

"Thanks guys," James said as he took three bottles from them and chucked one each to Sirius and Peter.

Lily and Remus returning to their seats learnt that the three boys they'd left were still talking about party tricks.

"…and wait 'till you see what we have in store for later!" Sirius continued.

"Oi! It was meant to be a surprise!" James cried out.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "I'm not telling them what we're going to do am I? I'm just saying they should look out for it."

"It'll be sort of hard to miss," James muttered.

The group of five spent the next hour or so talking, laughing, and bickering companionably. Remus, acutely aware of Lily's eyes on him every time he spoke, said little. He was determined not to look at Lily unless necessary. He wouldn't be able to explain staring his eyes out otherwise.

Whenever their eyes did chance to meet, Remus would look away quickly and blush. _Merlin, I must look like an idiot! _

He would, however, sometimes notice her blush faintly too.

_It's just the fire making her warm, _he reproved himself.

But there was something in her eyes that he saw too, that he could not blame on the fire. It confused him.

_She must be just worried about me, that's all. Worried that I'm upset about the full moon, _he thought to himself.

After some time, Peter got up.

"Where you going?" Sirius asked lazily.

"Um, ah, to see Maddy…" he said blushing.

"More likely to _feel_ Maddy," James snickered.

Lily slapped James on the arm as Peter walked away silently, blushing furiously.

"I quite envy the bloke, actually," said Sirius after some time. "At least he's getting some."

"Sirius!" Lily cried. "Merlin, you're unbelievable! Boys, sometimes," she muttered to herself. Louder, she said, "You don't need to be 'getting some' all the time, you know. Just look at James – he doesn't 'get some' and he's fine."

"HEY!! What do you mean 'I don't get some'? Of course I 'get some'!" James cried indignantly.

Lily, Sirius, and Remus all looked at each other, and at him, and burst out laughing.

"What!?" James cried in a huff.

"Of course you _could _get some mate. No need to sook," Sirius snickered.

After a bit of glaring on James' part and laughing on the others', James and Sirius stood to 'attend to official business', as they called it.

That left Lily and Remus alone together.

"They must be planning the big spectacle, it's nearly midnight," he said after a while.

"Yeah," replied Lily. "I hope whatever it is, isn't too dangerous though. Otherwise McGonagall will throw a fit. She'll also happen to know who would have done it… and I don't think she'll show mercy," she added as an afterthought.

Remus laughed. "Knowing Padfoot and Prongs, it'll be big; it'll be spectacular; and most probably dangerous. For some people at least."

Lily smiled and shifter her chair closer to his. Remus had to remember how to breathe.

_In and out, slowly._

"I'm glad you came down you know," Lily said. Her fingers were tracing the pattern of her armchair and Remus was watching, fascinated. After a while he said, "I'm glad I came down too."

Lily looked up at him through her lashes and smiled. It took his breath away.

_She's beautiful, _he thought. Suddenly an answering thought came, even though there hadn't been a question. _But you're not good enough for her._

Lily noticed his sudden bitter expression. "Are you ok?" she asked, sitting up and putting a worried hand on his arm.

Remus shrugged her off and stood abruptly to stare into the fire.

"It's nothing," he snapped, suddenly hating himself even more than he already did. _She shouldn't even be my friend. I don't deserve a good person like her as my friend._

"Remus. Tell me."

He felt her come up behind him. He turned around. "It's nothing Lily, you don't have to worry about me," he said bitterly.

"But I do, Re. I care about you. What's wrong?"

"Leave me alone, Lily." He was starting to get annoyed. He hated how she had to feel sorry for him all the time.

"No."

"I said leave me alone."

"And I said no."

"I DON'T DESERVE YOU!" he suddenly shouted.

The words hung in the air, as a gradual heavy silence fell between them. No one had heard the outburst apart from Lily, since music was still playing loudly in the background.

They stood facing each other, sharing air. Lily stared at him, their eyes were locked, and Remus' anger slowly turned to shame.

Lily finally stepped back and Remus watched her be swallowed by a crowd of mingling Gryffindors.

He sat back down, staring at his hands.

_Great, I've just gone and hurt the person I care the most about._Remus thought dejectedly.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Lily watched Remus from across the room. _He's being so stupid!_

A second later, her thoughts were rudely interrupted by a tap on her shoulder. She turned around to see Sirius grinning down at her.

"It's time!" he said suspiciously.

"Should I go sit down then?" Lily asked him feigning worry. Actually, she wasn't entirely pretending.

"That would be best," Sirius grinned. "Enjoy the show."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Drowning in his depressed thoughts, Remus didn't notice Lily come back to sit down opposite him. She watched him, patiently waiting for the impending 'thing' that was about to happen as a result of James and Sirius' overactive brains.

It took about two minutes. Suddenly, everything went black.

Many people (including boys) screamed and someone yelled "What the hell's going on?"

_This is odd, _Lily thought._ Their grand party trick was to make everyone blind?_

Over the yelling of the Gryffindors Lily heard Sirius suddenly screech. "JAMES!! What the hell did you do!?"

"Me!?" was the answer he got. "I didn't do anything!"

"Oh yeah!? Did you remember to add the reversing powder into the mixture!?"

"Oh… um…"

"Idiot! Now we're all stuck in this black night instead enjoying the massive fireworks display we had planned!" Sirius ranted to no one in particular.

Lily could still hear him and James arguing over the other students while she sat in the darkness. She wasn't annoyed at their idiocy however. In fact it helped her draw up the courage to do what she was about to do. Ignoring the chaos she heard around her she got up and slowly made her way forward into the circling darkness, feeling her way to Remus' chair. Being blind at that moment, she did not see the large book lying abandoned on the floor and as her foot caught on it, she lurched forward giving a strangled cry, into Remus and his chair.

Startled hands caught her and held her up before she could fall completely to the floor. Unsure of who he was holding, Remus asked tentatively, "Are – are you alright?"

Lily didn't reply instantly, instead she steadied herself, holding onto Remus' shoulders for support.

"I'm ok," she finally breathed.

Remus caught the scent of peppermint. It was right in front of his face.

"Lily," he whispered.

Although they could not see a thing, they knew their faces were inches apart and Lily leaned down until their foreheads touched. Remus' breath caught.

_Oh Merlin, Lily is touching me! She's so close, I could lean in and – why is she over here? Did I not hurt her? Does she not hate me? She's so close, I can smell her, I can breathe her… _

Remus' thoughts rushed around randomly in his head. Suddenly he could feel her breath closer to him. His heart began to dance a feverish jig inside his chest.

Lily finished the last conversation they'd had. "You deserve anyone you want," she whispered into his mouth before her lips closed on his.

Remus' mind went blank. He could not hear Sirius and James bickering about how to reverse James' mistake. He could only hear his speeding heart. He could not smell the sweaty Gryffindors stumbling around him. He could only smell her. Her. Lily.

Reflexively Remus lifted his hand up to find her cheek. He brushed it and moved his hand to the nape of her neck and pulled her closer.

Lily started when Remus responded to the kiss. She did not stop however and pulled closer to him, her hands traveling up his robes, moving the soft materiel. Their mouths locked together, moved slowly but surely as her hands continued up and her fingers tangled in his hair. Remus pulled her even closer. She was in his lap now, their bodies hot and touching, pressed against each other. She leant into him more, hungrily kissing him, tasting the boy she had loved for a long time.

They broke apart for a breath of air but Lily soon found his mouth again with hers. She tentatively licked at his lips, tasting butterbeer, and an electrical current coursed through Remus' body. He lent into her, moving forwards to push into her mouth, finding it slightly open and pushed his tongue inside. She pressed against him, kissing more passionately, her fingers still entwined in his hair. He gasped as she bit his bottom lip lightly as he drew invisible pictures on her neck with his fingers. Moving his mouth away from hers he trailed down her chin, to her neck, his lips finding and kissing the exposed skin. She moaned softly and traced her fingers now down his face. Their mouths found each other again, both red and swollen but hungry for more. Tongues met and teeth bit lightly as their lips moved over each other.

Finally Lily and Remus broke apart, panting, oblivious to anything or anyone but each other. The black night still surrounded them as they felt each other with their fingers. Remus felt Lily lean in and softly, he kissed her neck. He felt her breath on his ear as she whispered, "I like the darkness, too."

The End


End file.
